We communicate whether we want to or not. Most people think of communication as speech and yet what we don’t say speaks volumes about us.

Studies have shown that the unspoken messages people send may amount to more than 60% of the total message sent. Our tone of voice accounts for approximately 30% of our message, and less than 10% of the messages we communicate face to face occurs through the words we use. It is clear than an understanding of body language is essential in controlling our image and interpreting the cues of others.

What is body language? Body language, or non-verbal communication, refers to the unspoken messages people express. By our appearance physical posture, gestures, and facial expression, we convey what we think, how we feel, and what we want.

Let’s take a look at how we use our eyes.

• With our eyes we can indicate that we are seeking information.
• Our eyes show attention and interest.
• Our eyes can be inviting and control interaction.
• Our eyes can also be dominating and threatening.
• When we are listening to another speak, our eyes provide feedback.
• And of course our eyes reveal attitudes.

What about the pupils of our eyes. Our pupils dilate when we see something interesting. Although it’s subconscious, we like people with dilated pupils.

How can our smiles be used?

• Our smile can indicate or reflect pleasure or happiness.
• It can show reassurance, amusement and even ridicule.
• Smiles are often used to mask other emotions.
• Smiles may be used to make a tense situation more comfortable.
• Although we think of a smile as something pleasant, a smile can be used to show aggression, sarcasm and other negative feelings.

Our facial expressions can be used to express many emotions, including pleasure, sadness, disgust and contempt, anger, fear and interest. Examples of how we can use facial signals to express emotion are:

• Winking to show humor
• Raising both eyebrows to show surprise
• Raising one eyebrow to show skepticism
• Wrinkling the nose to show displeasure
• Dropping the lower jaw to show mock astonishment

In addition to our face, we can use our head. What the head movements say will be believed in preference to the words spoken.

Watch a TV discussion program without the sound and concentrate on the participants’ head movements. What kinds of things do you notice about nodding behavior? Do people nod most when talking or listening?

Have a conversation with someone you know well. As they talk, nod your head encouragingly. Do they seem to do more of the talking or less?

On another occasion, with the same person, as they talk, do not nod your head at all. Do they seem to do more of the talking or less?

What about gestures and body movements in non-verbal communication? It is the use of gestures to convey meaning that most people think of when they talk about body language. Gestures are used in expressing openness, defensiveness, readiness, reassurance, frustration, confidence, nervousness, acceptance, expectancy, relationships and suspicion. These gestures are used even in situations in which the other person cannot be see, as when making a telephone call.

Some examples of conventional gestures are:

• Shaking the fist to show anger
• Rubbing the palms together in anticipation
• Clapping as a sign of approval
• Raising one’s hand to gain attention
• Yawning out of boredom
• Patting someone on the back to encourage them
• Rubbing the stomach to indicate hunger

Any part of the body can be used to make a gesture.

In recent research, it was found that where people are active, with many non-verbal movements, they will be rated as warm, more casual, agreeable and energetic.

When the same people are still, with few movements, they will be considered more logical, cold and analytic.

You can use gestures to your advantage. If you are going for a job interview, for example, you could give an impression of drive and enthusiasm by the increased use of gestures.

Your posture is vital to your non-verbal communication also. Posture can be a clue to personality and to character. Often you can tell what someone is thinking simply from observing their posture, however, it is also possible to tell a great deal about their state of mind – whether they are hopeful or depressed, confident or shy, dominant or submissive.

Those who are feeling hopeful, confident or dominant will generally adopt more erect body postures than those who are feeling depressed, shy or submissive.

Posture observation is useful, especially before an encounter begins, as it can guide us in determining what might be the most productive approach to make to another person.

Use your posture to convey the image you want to create.

And watch those handshakes! Handshakes can tell others how confident you are. If your handshake is weak, it indicates that you are unsure of yourself; if it’s too firm, you’re overconfident and egotistical; if it’s firm and direct then you are telling others that you know who you are.

If you are having a “down” day, simply change your body language. Visualize a time when you felt wonderful and everything was going great for you. Shift your body to reflect the energy you felt. With this visualization in mind, change your facial expression to a positive one. Just a little effort can make a big difference in how you are perceived. And you’ll feel better too!

Best regards,

Jeanette M. Coon, A.I.C.I.
President
Professional Polish